Advice for Advice

People say I'm a good listener. People say I give good advice. I really don't think I do either thing very well. I feel weird in those moments that people choose to confide in me, just like everyone else. I think the only thing (at least for me) is that I value vulnerable moments despite the weirdness, and care enough to make an attempt. I mean, shouldn't we all listen to each other? Shouldn't the advice we give people be pondered and weighed instead of simply offered as a fulfillment of our utility?

As some might know already, I have a habit of creating mental blueprints. Sounds fancy, but it essentially means that I have a passion for breaking down the framework behind my actions/decisions, and making sure they make sense if I was to explain them to someone else. I don't do it for other people - I'm just, in the most sincere way possible, a nerd for things that fall into the categories of sociology/philosophy/psychology/logic/reason. That said, I do have this website so why not lay out my internal guide for advice giving?

It's well known at this point that there is a severe lack of people who've mastered the art of listening/conversation. And, most times, those people are perfectly fine. That said, when someone comes to you in a vulnerable state, there isn't much space for mediocre ears. It may be a lot to say, but there's a chance that a person's life could be changed by what it is you have to say. You must be focused, humble, compassionate, and strongly aware of how monumental it is to have a person rely on you in that moment. Honestly, this entire post could be summed up by that last sentence. But let's provide some meat to go with the garnish:

1) Listen to understand - don’t assume anything that isn’t presented
2) Stop trying to fix the thing when you don’t understand
2.5) Even if you went through a similar thing, it doesn’t mean you understand the other person’s feelings on the thing. Let them lead the conversation
2.75) Don’t Columbus the conversation and block off a person’s explanation/release
3) Don’t invalidate the feelings surrounding the thing, even if you think you understand the thing
4) The thing itself and the effects of that thing are two separate things, regardless of if/how they feed each other. While the core thing is often the direction you wanna end up going, only go there if you truly understand the core AND have been led to proceed in that direction
4.5) There are times when the effect needs to be unpacked to reveal the core. Don’t jump the gun - focus on what’s being presented
4.75) Your only side in the equation is seeing the other person healed. That doesn’t mean agree and enable, nor does it mean to invalidate them and come off condescending
5) Make a statement to illustrate your understanding of the thing once the explanation is done
5.5) Wait for confirmation that your understanding is correct, or wait for more details before injecting a fix/your feelings
5.75) Understand that sometimes people aren’t seeking advice/perspective. Sometimes they just wanna vent. Confirm that from the way the information was presented, and respect their desire in that moment before you damage the connection/person
6) Give your advice/perspective by drawing on divine wisdom, experiential knowledge, and compassionate understanding
6.5) Always respect that person’s nature and situation in your response. Not everyone will respond to bluntness, and not everyone will take a soft delivery seriously. And specific situations can influence a person’s default nature (the streets call that a trigger)
6.75) This does not mean to alter your response to those things, as you should never compromise what is true and what will be best for that person in the long run (see 4.75) 
7) Emphasize that you are not a professional, let them know that their thing/feelings are real and understandable, and encourage them to only use what you’ve offered as a piece to a larger whole that they must arrive at